• kay-anne

On drinking and reincarnation

“If not by faith, then by sword - I’m going to be restored”

——————

I could’ve said, in so many words, you seem drunk.


Instead I held my thumb to the vein on your forehead.


Instead I let you examine my wrists.


Instead I asked if you could look me in the eye.


Instead I listened to your sister love you through the phone line.


Instead I told you to go, slowly. Curious (darkly?) as to what the particular shape of your wound might be. I could see its density, speed. Sucking you into yourself and clarifying the nature of my orbit. Quiet, sure desperation.


For 2 nights since I’ve had a drink each, grapefruit + tequila, cinnamon + whiskey. I wanted them earnestly and tasted them well. Asked myself why we poison ourselves in a fell swallow.


Uncertainty has no place in this house. I coat my tongue with the grit of a sugar cube and realize i have never felt so certain. I have always had something to say, but now i will say it. There is no alternative, no version where I do not do. I make things from nothing. I don’t need to be right, I must be done.


I am smiling with my longest hair, believing in reincarnation because my blood vessels tell me I have already lived it

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